Archive for the ‘Love Trauma’ Category

Fancy non porno, porno. Goalz.

Thursday, October 8th, 2015

Screen Shot 2015-10-08 at 11.50.41 PM


It’s hard to be mad at rappers sometimes even tho the shit they be saying can be really problematic (or nah), but I feel their pain. It’s very immature, and they’ve got to be so ego about everything= success. So they say things just to (try to) hurt the ones who hurt them. But if you think about it, they’re putting themselves on blast, and if you’re evolved enough (something you gotta forever work on), the shit they be saying (if it’s about you), wont hurt so much.

I am fresh outta a relationship, and I realized I’m a grown ass woman. I’ve matured in love/life. For the first time ever I’m not hurt or broken by a break up. I feel like I was so lucky to have experienced that much joy and pleasure, and the pain (of break up- not my choice, which also happened two days after my grandma died) was worth it. I’m really more full of love now, than ever before. I used to be like a broken rapper, I’m cold, baby, ice cold. But now, not really, not so much, not at all. I wanna love, and laugh and play, and just, BE. LOVE. Like all the gob damn time. Gimme love, I want it, I want to give it to you, to the world. I ain’t talking about sex, although I love that shit too, I’m talking about the simple act of kindness, and answering bids, and non-attachment, but also, non-abandonment. #hippieshit #LoveSexDreams

gaspar noé compares love to hard drugs

“”Ultimately though, “the best moments of my life have been moments of love,” a rather romantic Noé conceded. “These carnal moments of hugging, kissing, fucking with someone you’re obsessed with.””




“Can compassion be learned? The answer is yes! Sometimes, all it takes is truly paying attention to the people around us.”

Thursday, October 1st, 2015

“Sharon Salzberg’s ‪#‎StreetLovingKindness‬ movement goes animated with this new video from Happify!”

This is my shish right here. Mettā :.

Monday, September 14th, 2015


“Mettā (Pali) or maitrī (Sanskrit) is benevolence, friendliness, amity, friendship, good will, kindness, close mental union (on same mental wavelength), and active interest in others. It is one of the ten pāramīs of the Theravāda school of Buddhism, and the first of the four sublime states (Brahmavihāras). This is love without clinging (upādāna).”

My main teacher that introduced me to this method of meditation is Sharon Salzberg whom I met at the Maui, HI Ram Dass retreat last year.


Screen Shot 2015-09-14 at 9.57.37 PM

Screen Shot 2015-09-14 at 9.57.20 PM



Check out her free podcast <3 Metta Hour with Sharon Salzberg
By MindPod Network

Me- every Weeknd, now.

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2015

Acid, Ecstasy, First kisses and Last(ing) Fucks

Sunday, August 30th, 2015

My Saturn Return- Age 29

Sunday, August 30th, 2015

My summer be like:

Saturn will occupy the sign of Scorpio from October 5, 2012 to December 23, 2014; and then finishes up from June 14, 2015 to September 17, 2015.

“Depression can be a byproduct of heavy Saturn transits.”

What is a Saturn return?

Oh, and this shit, fuck.
Venus Retrograde: July 25 to September 6, 2015
“Taking final action in the areas of finance and love, however, is not advised until Venus turns direct again.”

Preparing for Mating Season!

Friday, March 2nd, 2012

Posted by: ZeBekgarbage

I had my physical today. My doctor and I talked sex. She said, “Trust no one but yourself. Wear a condom ALWAYS, even if you make someone your boyfriend or your husband.”
She also gave me examples of men she knew in Boston who were married with children, and still sleeping around, with over 200 women! annnnd, “… he’s a Doctor/Engineer.” she added. haha. I like this chick.

Stay clean. Keep the privates proper. Take care of yourself. Get checked.

Make love.
HaPy BiRFdaTe biotch. xoxo


Saturday, December 3rd, 2011

Posted by: ZeBekgarbage

[MUSIC FOR FUN via theKATbox (while in Malaysia.)]
Now read the rest of my post. :)
Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs – tracks and remixes by T-E-E-D

I’m sure if you ask anyone who knows me what my favorite flower is, they’ll tell you it’s the Stargazer Lily.






This used to be true, so true my corsage and my dates boutonniere for prom were made with a stargazer lily.


i found this in a keychain in my car that I havent been in since 2007. Me and Jeffrey Raymond Walker.

"Back in the day when i was young, i'm not a kid anymore, but some days i sit and wish i was a kid again."

I have been traveling a whole lot the past weeks. Within five weeks I managed to go to my beloved San Francisco for two weekends, once before my Malaysia trip, and again soon after I returned from my Malaysia trip. J’aime San Francisco.

My girlfriends Sara and Holli live in the Lower-Haight area so you can catch us eating, drinking, walking, and hanging out in that area.

A couple years ago I discovered my favorite “Brick & Mortar Treasure Garden Emporium.”


My fav. plant/flower shop. They also sell other cool things for your home.

My fav. plant/flower shop. They also sell other cool things for your home.

It is in this shop that I have discovered amazing, beautiful, quirky plants that I adore looking at as well as being in the presence of.

Example: Air plants
my new air plants.

Here’s what they look like, (google Air plants for more images.)
air plant

I also found my new current favorite flower at Xapno-

Protea species

Protea neriifolia






The lady who runs and owns the shop totally reflects her pets, the plants. Her name is Jean Marx. She’s not annoying and bubbly, but she is very quiet and you can tell, quite creative. Jean not only has incredible taste in home and scents, she also knows whats up when it comes to music. I love her shop. If you want to know more about Jean and her personality just read this- from her blog.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Shopkeeper’s Lament
“From yesterday afternoon:
Beautiful new bags by Hobo International came in today, but it’s quiet and rainy and they have no admirers but me.The new John Derian decoupaged glass is here as well, its alluring antique imagery staring out in perplexity at the de-populated store. The plants and flowers, with their significant charms, are waiting to transport someone to a state of grace. But here we are, defiantly incredulous that only the excruciating excercise of marketing will save us from invisibility and possible extinction. Woe is me; I need a social networking guru.

TIP OF THE DAY (Or, between the lines– NOTES ON ONE OF JEAN’S PET PEEVES): When buying flowers, refrain from asking, “How long will they last?” Be assured that if you look at them carefully and ascertain their health and merits (which I am sure you are capable of doing, dear discerning shopper), and if you are willing to pamper them a bit, they will give you everything they possibly can. And remember, it’s not even about how long they last; it’s about how they will be a tonic to your dragging, beauty-starved soul and about how even their process of dying can be quite lovely if you kindly groom and dignify them as they wither. Furthermore, I’m sure you would never ask the waiter at your favorite restaurant how long you can expect the dinner you’ve eaten to last…..Nor, I hope, would you ask your lover how long he or she will last (whatever you might be referring to) and then accept them or discard them on the basis of their answer, which can only be a conjecture, an aspiration, or an outright lie anyway.”

Make sure you find this place and buy something from there whenever you find yourself in the Lower-Haight area of San Francisco.

Great review of Xapno by Tom L. on Yelp.

Here’s more music for your enjoyment.

Flower Power,
I picked it up off the ground, it had a hole in it.

Tree carpet thanks to the winds hitting Los Angeles.

Evil Playmate Wants to Kill Boyfriend?

Friday, October 22nd, 2010

Posted by: ZeBekgarbage via Paul Z.

{Read about Charles Manson and Rosemary’s Baby here!}

“I got this off of the KNX 1070 site, the photo is of Dorian when she was a Playmate in 1968. (Photo from some Ruskie site). Paul Z.”

LOS ANGELES (AP) — A former Playboy Playmate of the Year, who appeared in the horror movie “Rosemary’s Baby,” has been charged with shooting her boyfriend at their Hollywood apartment.

The district attorney’s office says 66-year-old Victoria Rathgeb pleaded not guilty to attempted murder on Tuesday. She remains jailed Wednesday on $1.5 million bail and could face up to life in prison if convicted.

Police say that she shot her boyfriend during a domestic dispute Saturday evening.

Los Angeles police spokeswoman Norma Eisenman says the man, whose identity wasn’t released, remains in critical condition.

Rathgeb was 1968′s Playmate of the Year under the name of Angela Dorian. She had TV and movie roles in the 1960s and 1970s and played a recovering heroin addict in the 1968 hit “Rosemary’s Baby.”


I got hit by a 19 year old drunk driver 2x! 1st was a hit and run. then i tried getting her plates, and she hit me to the point where our cars were stuck.

This article made me want to watch this movie!


I’m Not a Virgin Anymore!

Monday, March 15th, 2010

Posted by: ZeBekgarbage & RLOgarbage


I “officially” lost my virginity when I was 17 years 3 months and 15 days old. Jeff and I had been together for 1 year and 3 1/2 months. I’m going to lay it down just like it happened.
First though let’s get in the mood, ya? Listen to Betty Wright tell her story of a young girl making love for the very first time.

Earlier I said “officially” because there was one summer where Jeff and I were groping and groaning in an old ugly beat up mobile home in the middle of Tucson Arizona. The kind of address where you have to drive to your mailbox, and you can’t really walk to borrow some sugar. It was fucken hot, 110 degrees, outside, and inside the covers. He was on top of me, and then for a slight second I felt a poke go in,(oh man… soo GOOOOD!) and I was like okay that totally didn’t happen, 1 inch in doesn’t count for shit.

The “official” one SUCKED so I actually wish I just did it that time in Arizona. Jeff and I planned to do it for New Years, but then we decided we should have a practice round first. So we are both nervous since we’re both about to lose our virginities to each other in a mobile home in Arizona. I was on the pill, AND we used a condom (smartness.) We didn’t play enough four play because we were for some reason in a stupid rush… it didn’t feel right. He goes in slow, and it felt so uncomfortable, and he goes in again, and again, and then I’m like, “okay I don’t want to do it anymore, it hurts, and it doesn’t feel good.” He gets mad pissed, and I’m like “sorry.” He’s heated. He goes and sits at the edge of the bed, and I start crying. Its AWFUL. He doesn’t comfort me because he’s so pissed about his blue balls, and that I’m upset. We fall asleep, me sad, he mad.
The next day next day we try again, in a different room in the haus. Long story short, we fuck off and on for like two to three hours, he comes 2 times, and we used about four to five condoms. It was AMAZING!!!! We fucked, sucked, made love and had sex in so many positions and so many places in that room, we were so loud, and so quiet. That is the day I discovered I LOVE me some sexytimesss! Yesss!!!!!

The end.

So here’s RLO’s story. It’s short and sweet. Pretty amazing.

The Virgin Killer,
.:drama 4 yo mama:.